Whats out of control?
ANd whats too much?
I think Im fine, but...
someone worries.
I just don't know, it seems so normal...
confusion makes me grr.

Nothing to do.
In a twilight zone esque stupor,
I contemplate
reconsider
choices and mistakes
whats right?
Over the last year...I've learned there are many right answers to a problem...
I just tend to choose the wrong one.
Over analysing and over looking things in front of my face
ho-hum
I suppose Im just a girl suffering from boredom
and the idea of another long semester of swimming and work
-bleh
hmmmm....when does it end?

I miss the way things were
living life to the limit, crossing the line
Being with you was an adventure,
a forray into an intoxicating array of possibilities.

feeling like we lived in a movie
seeing a like mind in anothers eyes
leaving you again I wonder
why this pain comes as such a surprise

I miss our giggles...shared glances
our nicknames...special songs
its like we spoke a code, lived in a world
of our own creation that others never knew existed

feeling like we lived in a movie
seeing a like mind in anothers eyes
leaving you again I wonder
why this pain comes as such a surprise

and now...
patching things up's so hard
Desiring normalacy, focus.
But achieving that...is another story
and you who know me so well
who understands.....my everything.
I hurt.
Loving you too much too let you be cursed
with this uncertainty and hesitancy I feel
Striking a decisive path, decison made.
cross your fingers.
and please hold me
if it doesn't turn out alright

Today I madethe decision to return home for college next year...it'll take roughly the same amount of time to graduate, but it'll be alot cheaper....and I won't have to pay for airfare....and my family and friends will be there.......Im terribly excited.
THis also means that I can drop two of my classes next quarter because I need them for chatham...not for western....which means I can work and save more monies, and learn my languages fluently...and best of all, no maymester.Now if only swimming were done...

OH! And if Im home, my sis says I can stay and eat at her house...which means I can buy a car!
Which is absolutely amazing news.
I'm just hoping I can make it through the summer without getting one so I can buy a good car.
<3

Its funny what remains
an image of a bitten lip
nails.
But also the way at night we'd lie, sprawl, legs intertwined,
me always on the right.

Time passes and the seasons change
But the only difference
is learning,
the length of my hair.
blonde brown now I swish it out of my eyes
as my eyes shift, contemplating thoughts of you
in a coffee house, so late.

Regretting past mistakes
and the fact that I left you
at night, broken